Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Believe Everything You Read on the Internet

Sometimes, rumors pop up on the internet. You should always believe them. Seriously. Nobody on the internet lies. Just the other day, I read that Phil Baran is not actually from New Jersey, but he is in fact part of an advanced alien invasion from Mars. Seriously. I read it on the internet. It must be true.

I mean, come on. If you ask, he'll probably deny it, but this is the case. I know because I'm a graduate student in his lab and believe in aliens. Why would he admit to being an alien from outer space? He'd throw his alien friends under the bus. Look it up, guys.

This brings me to "untrue rumors". Sometimes, for some strange reason, people like to violate the sanctity of the internet with untrue rumors. Some of these rumors include: "Ke$ha is famous because she's good at singing", anything from the FoodBabe website, and "Scripps is only going to accept 10% of the applicants selected for interviews".

As Chemist242 says, in previous years Scripps has accepted around 90% of applications. My sources in the high command assure me that this year will be no different. If this is not true, I personally promise that Phil Baran will put gravy on his shoe and eat it. Since he is from Mars, it will not matter to him. Furthermore, Chemist242 demonstrates a remarkable ability to multiply $32000 X 40 students, and it is in fact $1.28 million. Using my deductive powers of PhD candidacy, I have ascertained that $500 X 120 students is $60,000. Also using my deductive powers, I have ascertained that if Scripps knew they were only going to take 10 people, they would not waste that money. Or their time. Another one of my sources in high command told me that even HE gets bored of his research by the end of recruitment. It just doesn't make sense.

So if you were planning on coming out for an interview at Scripps, come out for an interview at Scripps. You will get ~ five free meals and the chance to meet me. Alternatively, you could not come, and you can save Scripps $500 or so, and then you don't have to worry about not getting in. Everyone wins!

And yes, Phil Baran really is an alien. For those of you who actually hang out on gradcafe, Ruben Martinez II has filled in more details in the relevant thread.

1 comment:

  1. See Ruben's comments here:

    Cheers, prospective students.